What you should know about Orphan Hosting (part two)

This picture is from the first hours we brought our host children home.  We weren't even trying to be all color-coordinated and cute... it was just good chemistry!

If you didn't read my "What you should know about Orphan Hosting (part one)" I would highly recommend reading that post first.  It is a view of hosting shared mostly from the eyes of the host family.  This post is going to be more about how hosting benefits the child or children that you are hosting.

There are some people who have very strong negative opinions about hosting orphans and their logic goes something like this, "It is cruel to bring these kids to America and then to send them back." There is one particular blog that makes me so IRATE every time I read it, that I can't help myself from bashing it here publicly.  The title of this particular blog post is, "Host an Orphan (and mess with a child's head) Program."  The article goes on to claim that one particular Orphan Hosting program brings these poor foreign orphans from other countries to affluent American towns to "showcase them." This particular blogger has no problems with a domestic child having the same opportunity "locally". He  states that he  thinks the foreign orphan trial period is tasteless and cruel, and that it helps facilitate foreign child trade.

He goes on to say, "The sheer brilliance of this promotional program is this:  hosting families are not obligated to agree to a purchase-plan -- all they have to do is showcase the kids, so others can look over the inventory, and decide if a foreign orphan would fit and feel right in the potential client's home.

It does not hurt if the showcase advertising hosting family already has an adopted orphan or two. ("I not only help support the big sellers in Adoptionland, I'm a paying member, and proud orphan owner, too.").

This just disgusts me.

I would bet my paycheck that this blogger has never experienced a day in the life of an orphan, and he is just looking to criticize those of us who are trying to do something positive. I would also venture to say that this author has also never lifted a finger to help what he refers to as "domestic orphans" and just needs to have something for his hands to do, as in typing critical things about something he knows little about.  I don't see this individual ever reaching out further than his computer keyboard to do anything beneficial to change what he sees as such an injustice. 

Here's a big newsflash to you, Mr. Cynical Blogger..... not all orphans even WANT to be adopted! That's right, this isn't quite like the cute musical "Little Orphan Annie". These kiddos don't sit around late at night singing about the family that left them and is coming back to get them someday or dreaming about rich Daddy Warbucks coming to save them from their poor, wretched little lives.  

Many of these kids are quite comfortable in the surroundings they are in. They don't know any different. They are comfortable with what they know.  Going to America where the culture is vastly different, where their native language is not readily spoken, where the food is not the same and where everything smells weird and different is not something they day dream about on a regular basis. Having parents who tell them what to do, how to do it, when to do it, is not exactly a wish come true for some of these kids who have basically raised themselves.

So, why then, is Orphan Hosting so important?

Well, for one, it gives children the opportunity to see what a loving home and family looks like. Many of these children have never lived in a home with a family. Others of them had it once upon a time, but it has been so many years, that they don't have clear memories of it.  They don't know if they want to be adopted or not, because they have NO idea what the concept even means, and it's scary. If they don't get adopted and they become adults without parental guidance, they will have some knowledge of what a healthy adult relationship is supposed to look like. Hopefully, this experience will lead to them being better partners and parents in their own lives, rather than repeating the same mistakes of the previous generation.

Another important aspect of hosting is that the children have a chance to connect with an adult mentor, or a Mother and Father figure  who say, "I love you. You are important."  Whether or not adoption is in the future, your relationship with this child can be life-long.  When Ukrainian orphans "age-out" of the system at the age of 16 many of them have no adult guidance in their lives.  Sadly, a good many of the girls turn to prostitution to survive. Many of the boys get involved in drug sales. A good number of them get swept up into human trafficking, and between 10-15% of these children commit suicide within two years of leaving the orphanage.  They are easy targets with little resources.  The statistics are sobering.

On a lighter note, getting away from their normal surroundings is a huge adventure!  They get to visit a new country, a different culture, and learn a new language. They get to eat new food and live life the way we do in America.  This is not just an American phenonemon.  Many of these kids get hosted in European countries for vacation as well, such as Italy. This picture is from our kids' first time to the beach!  We didn't know it was their first time, until we saw the utter shock on their faces that the water was salty!

Many host families are able to connect with Optometrists and Dentists who are willing to see the orphans at no charge to host families! This is HUGE! Vitalik came to us with terrible tooth pain and we found a very generous dentist who did quite an amount of dental work on our children out of the goodness of her heart.  Friends of ours had a host daughter who couldn't see. They brought her to the local optometrist and she received a free eye exam and glasses, donated by the doctor. When the community becomes involved, amazing things happen! I have even heard a story of an Old Navy store closing it's doors, giving each of the children $50 gift cards and letting them shop for new clothes!

As sad as it is for the host family to see them leave, many of these kids are happy to go back to their home at the orphanage in Ukraine at the end of their stay.  They have missed their friends! They want to share their stories, pictures, and gifts with the children who were not chosen for hosting.  These children have very generous hearts and they shared every single thing we sent back with them, from toys, to games, to clothing.  It made them feel important to be able to do this,

My most important advice to anyone considering this, is to reasearch the hosting agency. Talk with people who have first hand experience with the program and the people who run it. Not all agencies are created equally.  

My second piece of advice for any of you who are willing to step out of your comfort zone for the benefit of a child is to reasearch  all you can about the child's culture and get in contact with families who have done this before. Talk to those who adopted the children and those who haven't (and ask why). Learn as much as you can about attachment parenting, parenting with connection, and just good old-fashioned behavior managment techniques that work with any child (without yelling and physical punishment).  There are no books for this experience, but there is certainly a wealth of information out there, if you are willing to look and listen.